its not stalking. its research.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
