i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
