What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
