I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
