youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize