My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
