fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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