if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
