I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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