I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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