I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
