I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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