I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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