i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
