im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it hurts more in the daytime
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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