oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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