If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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