I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
