No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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