Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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