Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
