I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
