Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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