I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
