I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
