I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
