are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
