I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just gargled with NyQuil
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
