i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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