I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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