But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
