Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
