btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My feet surprised me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
