If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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