I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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