Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
