STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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