it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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