My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
