are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
