my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
