I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
