I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
