walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
