so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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