that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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