Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
