Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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