Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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