We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
