LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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