Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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