so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just google imaged poop.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
