I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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