; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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