Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
