i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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