Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
