U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
