Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize