You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
