i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
