No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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