The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
