If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
