she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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