Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
