I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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