Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
