No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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