he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
