this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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