He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
