I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
handjob tips. give me some.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
