okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
should my penis look like a turkey
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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