We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
