We're facebook friends in real life
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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