i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
