I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
