So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
