I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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