I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize